Love thyself

This post had been due since long, but it's finally here.

I was on a holiday at Madurai, staying at a resort. It seemed like one of the most peaceful places on earth.. there was no traffic, no pollution, no people screaming.. nothing. The scenery was just breathtakingly beautiful.

And, I was at peace with myself. One of the main reasons probably was that I was practically disconnected from the rest of the world.

My phone was in flight mode. No checking messages every now and then. No seeing how many people liked my status. No scrolling through tweets. No one calling to ask about college-related stuff.


Just plain, uninterrupted silence.

As I sat beside the swimming pool, clicking photos, I realized how happy I was at that moment. 

I wished I could live that way forever.

No, seriously. I thought about it. Imagine I had endless money and my life from then would only be chilling out in the resort room, walking to the restaurant whenever I felt hungry and going to places around the city at times. An absolutely carefree, comfortable life.

Of course, such a life would come across as rather pointless. I mean, one day I'd get bored of it and desperately want to go back to my previous world.  But then, how would it be to go back to the previous world, have a proper aim in life, and yet stay at peace from within just like I was in that resort?

The thought of being peaceful from being disconnected itself appears rather strange - and perhaps shocking too. It's not that I'm fed up of the people in my life - I've got quite a few close friends. Then why?

You see, there are two kinds of people in this world. One likes to stay in a group all the time, is loud, more often than not the centre of attention - they're called extroverts. And there's one more kind who likes to spend time with themselves. They don't view it as loneliness; they see it as a pleasant time. A blissful solitude. They're the introverts.

If you've been able to relate yourself to a certain extent with the feeling of peace on being alone that I was talking about earlier, odds are that you belong to the second category. Welcome to the family, mate.

It's not that we don't like the company of people. In fact, we rejoice in it. We love long, thoughtful conversations - with one person at a time. We like it when someone applauds or adores us from a distance - but we love it when someone understands us for what we are, what we think. It's a pleasure to have someone connect with us on a subtle level - as opposed to a superficial level of admiration. And yeah, sometimes, we need time to be totally disconnected - to analyze, discuss and plan the various things we do with the person who knows us better than anyone else- ourselves.

We believe in plain, in-your-face talk. No pretending, no acting 'sweet'. But it's unfortunate why many misunderstand our way of being straightforward, and call us rude.

We revel in a quiet atmosphere. It's amazing how much work we can do when we're given total freedom to do what we want. There's no end to the examples of introverts who have achieved great things in life. But it's not that we despise teamwork either - but we like it only when we have no restrictions, and our partners aren't too dominating - which would just be stupid, 'coz then we wouldn't be able to contribute our maximum.

We love ourselves. And we're proud of it.  

A little break..

It's been quite some time since I posted something here, and it's going to be longer before I do. I've got something in mind to write about, though... it's like a diary entry, only a lot deeper. So stay tuned; I'll be back soon.
(once again doing what I said I would be, in my first post in this blog - talking to myself :P)

The buck stops...where?

Two shocking incidents on opposite sides of the globe. One, a brutal gang rape and murder of a young girl in Delhi; the other, murder of 20 kids and seven adults in Connecticut. Different methods, yet the common strand of inhuman violence links the two. Both of them have sparked countless protests and debates, calling for "change". Yet, what exactly is to be changed? Who is to be blamed?

Let's talk about the Delhi incident first. In the past few days, hundreds of people gathered in Delhi and other cities, clamoring against toothless laws, inept police, a misplaced mindset of the society that assumes men "superior" to women, and so on. Every one of these points has their own merits. Some even went a step further and proclaimed that it was the girl who was responsible for the crime. Now that's like saying if you have a car and someone steals it, it's you who are at fault because you bought the car; and not the fault of the person who stole it. That, of course, doesn't make any sense.

Coming back to the question, I'm positive that 95% of us men in India are the kind of those who'd NEVER rape a woman. It's the remaining 5% that cause all the trouble. So, the big issue here isn't the "general psyche of Indian men". You can't point out 5% of the group and say there's something wrong with the entire male Indian mindset. Neither can you blame the so-called modern culture shown in movies and songs. If you look at the lyrics common among American rappers, you'll find those much much worse - yet a rape doesn't happen every 22 minutes in the USA, unlike here. It's not like men in India are born "evil" and those in the West are all decent. The main difference is: a deterrent.

The 5% of men in question here are plain psychopaths. Their brains are wired in a way as to display their masculinity and vent their desires in a manner that is anti-social, and has no absolutely no care for the feelings of another person. Such men can be found in many places. However, they actually bring their flawed mentality to a conclusion only in cases where they have no fear of the repercussions that may follow. Ask any convicted rapist - all of them will say that they believed they could get away scot-free from the crime. They believed they would never get caught. They believed that there was no one to stop them. And indeed, it is THIS that is to be really blamed here. The absence of stringent security. I know that it's not possible for there to be a policeman at every corner of the street - but at least we can have security cameras. And we can have laws - very strict laws - that invoke a sense of deep fear among those psychopaths.

However, we can't simply rest in comfort by putting all the blame on weak laws and inadequate security. Why haven't these laws and security measures come into place even after 65 years of independence? Who is responsible for these? Our politicians, of course. And if we keep voting for the kind of politicians who either do not change anything or worse, are themselves convicted of rape, then even all of us - indirectly - are to be blamed. I've turned 18 last month, and together with most of my friends, I'm definitely going to vote next year, keeping in mind the character of the candidate we're voting for. Let's hope we make a difference this time.

Coming to the second part - the slaughter of 27 people in an elementary school in Connecticut, USA. Personally, I was shocked by this news as two of my cousin sisters are elementary school students in Connecticut (thankfully, they go to a different school; they're fine). And as sympathy and mourning poured in from across the world, there was another strong feeling prevalent in the air.

Hatred.

A quick Facebook search with the killer's name, Adam Lanza, would reveal that. Hundreds of people, in different pages, all asserting "Adam Lanza should rot in hell", "I Hate Adam Lanza" and other rhetorics that are best not repeated here. Yes it's true, we're all justified in hating him for having snapped the life out of 20 little innocent kids, but does he really deserved to be solely blamed for his actions?

Almost every news agency that reported the tragedy has also reported that the killer in question was a 20-year old extremely lonely and intelligent guy who had no friends at all. According to the head of security at his school, Adam was "a very scared young boy, who was very nervous around people he could trust or he refused to speak with", and "a loner". This, as psychiatrists say, is a clear indication of Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism - which is an in-born genetic condition in almost all cases. Couple it with the fact that his parents divorced in 2008 - obviously not an emotionally pleasant situation for any child, let alone an autistic one.

You see it there. Adam's father was a successful finance executive at GE, and his mother was a teacher in the school where the massacre happened. Neither of them, evidently, had much time to take care of their psychologically disabled child. If they had been more caring towards their son, could the tragedy have been averted? Yes, I think so.

Besides this, Adam's mother was also an avid gun enthusiast and according to news reports, regularly used to take her son to shooting sessions. This probably could've been another factor in his actions - which in turn, has sparked furious debates over the arms trade system in the United States.

It is widely known that possessing a gun is very easy in the US. A large number of people have been demanding, especially after this incident, that the laws have to be changed. Mass shooting has occurred many times in the past too - and considering the fact that such incidents can be brought down to a large extent - if not eliminated completely - if gun control measures are put into force, it does make sense to partly blame the laws for such repeated instances. However, guns don't kill people; people kill people. And therefore, in my opinion, what really ought to be blamed here are not the laws; but the trend in modern society which is rapidly shifting towards isolation between parents and child, and consequently the care that children need is desperately lacking - especially those who suffer from a psychological disability.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, said Mahatma Gandhi. Today, we see it happening.

This post was adjudged the winner of the contest Who is to be blamed? on WriteUpCafe.com

It's 2013!

Hello, friends. Long time. It's the 14th day of 2013. And to tell you the truth, I've got absolutely NOTHING to write about. I know, a lot of people have been writing about their new year resolutions, what they want to change, what new things they'd like to see.... and so on (you know it anyway; you've probably already read those). And me? Well.. I've NEVER made a new year resolution. Not once in all my life. Why? Well, here's reason #1: Nothing has really ever struck my mind to make a new year resolution on. (not that I think I'm perfect; there are too many imperfections in me to start from, sigh...:( [Hey, I've got an idea for my first resolution! "Stop being too melodramatic and exaggerating." :P ]

So, coming back to the topic of resolutions, 99% of people (okay I don't literally mean ninety-nine.. I'm just exaggerating <ahem>) making new year resolutions also add that they aren't very hopeful of keeping them throughout the year. And 100% of people (I mean literally, this time) don't keep them throughout the year. (If you have ever managed to keep one yourself, kindly leave a comment here. I'll add your name to the 'People who inspire me' list on my Facebook profile). So, reason #2 for not making a resolution: The probability of me keeping my resolution is very low, going by results of public experience.. therefore, making a resolution is absolutely pointless.

And the third reason for me not making a new year resolution: "Why?". No, I mean seriously. Why force yourselves (or at least try to force yourselves) to do something for 365 days in the future? I mean, do you really know what is going to happen in the next 365 days? Or even tomorrow? Or even the next hour? No, right? Then how can you decide what to do without even knowing what you'll have to face? It's like, you're going to an exam, and you have already rehearsed ten answers that you're going to write. That's okay if you already know the question paper beforehand... but otherwise, you prepare for everything, read the questions in the exam-hall, and then write the answers you need to. So yeah. reason #3 for not making a resolution: It's foolish to do so. (and yeah, THIS is my answer to all of you out there who have been bragging about your resolutions)

And guess what? I've ACTUALLY managed to write something! 44 minutes ago (when I started writing this) I wasn't expecting I'd be able to write so much.. and now, I have this entire mass of text staring at me from my computer screen. That reminds me of a quote: "Don't think it can't happen, because it can." -Paulo Coelho

How true. (okay that doesn't mean you think you're Superman and you can fly, and jump out of the window... everything comes with a 'conditions apply' tag)

Which reminds me of another one-liner: "The ability to quote is a servicable substitute for wit." -Somerset Maugham

Touché.

Waking up in a better tomorrow - Story of every girl! (a reblog)

The following is a re-blog from hTe osLt. This is my first re-blog, for a post I found really worth sharing - especially in the context of the current mass outrage in the country against the Delhi gangrape incident. All copyrights of the following belong to Vineet Digga; and not to me.

 

Waking up in a better tomorrow- Story of every girl!

She has to get up and leave bed, even before the sun does so. The alarm at the side table which keeps buzzing with the ever so enchanting melody, doesn’t understand what it is to sleep, doesn’t understand what it is to wake someone up abruptly. She sets it on snooze to sleep for another half hour, but alarms unlike humans, buzz back exactly in five minutes. She has to be up and ready, not for herself, her office is not for another 4 hours, but for her brother. He goes to school. She tries waking him telling him, ‘Rajat you’ll get late for school. Get up.’ ‘Riya, five more minutes’, he says. She ignores him for some time; but unlike the alarm, five minutes for her are not exactly five minutes. Rajat knows this. He sleeps peacefully, undisturbed by the melody.

She starts doing the household chores; her parents are out of town to return in a week. The bell rings and it’s the newspaper guy, he has been doing this since two-three days, apparently right after Maa-Papa left. He smiles wickedly when he sees her collecting the paper.

‘Bhaiya, how many times have I told you not to ring the bell?’

‘What do I do, if you lose the paper, you’ll blame me, I have to ring the bell.’

‘We won’t blame you. You just don’t ring the bell!’

‘Ab bajana toh padega, kaam he hamara, aur aapke mother father bhi ghar par nahi he tab, bajana toh padega, hum hi dhyan nahi rakhenge toh kaun rakhega,’ he grins showing his full set of teeth and unfulfilled intent. She wants to slap him on the face, but she doesn’t. It’s just a comment anyways. She shuts the door reading the paper. The headlines read... 

She wakes Rajat up now and before rushing to the washroom, he shouts, ‘I told you to wake me up, now I’ll be late, can’t you understand one simple thing Juhi?’

She is at a loss for words. She engages herself in the same household chores. Rajat comes out of the washroom, and after getting ready, leaves for his school without eating the breakfast as some sign of protest, ‘I wonder how you’re going to manage after you get married!’ he remarks before rushing out of the door. Why does it always come to marriage? Is he not going to marry? Why couldn’t he wake me up today? Why does it never happen the other way round? Oh wait, he’ll marry a girl, why does he have to care. Unopposed rules of the society.

    

The bell ring wakes her up from the slumber of thoughts; the milkman watches her as he pours the milk in the container, he spills some of it on the floor while doing it. She tells him to leave it as it is, when he says ‘let me make it up to it, otherwise you’d think I am cheating’ the wild grin clear on his face. ‘No just leave it, I have enough milk.’ Before she shuts the door, she overhears him, ‘I can see that.’

 

She gets ready for her office after preparing lunch for Rajat and Tiffin for herself. It’s going to be tough day, like every other day. Leave at 9, reach at 9. She reaches her office at 10 and everyone-from the watchmen to her colleagues, gawks her with lust filled eyes. Without any shame they stare, she catches them, they smile yet they stare. She doubts if her salwar is revealing too much. She hurries to the washroom to check. She is relieved that the looks were not ‘I see something there’ looks. She should have gotten used to them till now. ‘Silly me’, she acts.

‘Miss Pooja, are you free in the break? I know this very nice coffee place. You’ll join me?’ her mentor asks her, making it sound like a question. But she knows what it is. He solely controls her marks, and he might just deduct them. It’s just a coffee anyways.

In the break, she tries ignoring the proposition by pointing out to her Tiffin box; but he ignores it with a cheery smile. He is an expert, must have had too many girls like her to sharpen his wits. She hides her Tiffin box deep in her bag below every little useless thing like make up and papers and assignments of others. He sits close to her and puts his arm around her back; she smiles awkwardly waiting for this to end. His friends give him looks, appreciating a nice catch. He gives his friends looks, appreciating their nice catch. The girls smile looking at each other. They just smile.  

Break gets over. Ruchit comes and asks her if she would go to a movie with him. He is just a friend. He has told her he likes her, but that doesn’t matter. He laughs and tells her, ‘Anjali, it’s just a movie, not a date. It’s just that you like this movie and I haven’t watched it as well. We won’t sit together if you want.’ She likes the honesty but she can’t go out with him. She has no reason why…but she refuses.

 

She leaves office for her classes. As she walks on the pavement, a group of young boys sitting at a Chaai Shop, whistle at her. They must be in 11-12, yet so shameless. They catch her off guard and she reacts in the usual way, ‘Ghar me maa behan nahi he kya?’ One of the kids faking heartbreak cries foully, ‘Maa-Behan toh he, Biwi nahi he, tum banogi?’ Her whole body shivers with fear. What is this generation going to become? Who will teach these young boys to respect woman? Isn’t our country on the brink of a gigantic moral catastrophe?

She will bunk classes today. She wants to be alone. Her phone vibrates and the message reads, ‘where are you? I am soooo bored.’ A smile takes over her sullen face, finally there’s someone who cares about her. She updates him with all that happened today. He is extra sweet today; she wonders why’s he not angry, why’s he not telling her go date her mentor, why’s he not fighting. Maybe she is just over-thinking, he seems to be in a good mood today and after all he loves her. They talk for some time, and he asks her if she could bunk classes today, she tells him she already has.

‘Great!!! Where are you right now, I will pick you up. Let’s go somewhere. I loveee you, Sapna!’

In half hour, he is there in his car. They go to the City Centre mall; he buys her her favorite handbag. They eat at her favorite Chinese restaurant. She feels so light. All her worries fade even if for some time. He asks her what she’d want to do now. She says ‘anything you want’. They sit in his car and he kisses her on her lips. She doesn’t enjoy it. She ignores the unannounced kiss. ‘He loves me and it’s his right’ she thinks. They reach the place where he lives. She gives him a surprised look and asks him pointing to herself with mock despair, ‘Dude, you forgot to drop this at her place!’ He smiles and offers her to come upstairs. She adjusts her dress, meeting his parents, big deal for her. They reach his flat. The door is locked. Wait. Why is the door locked? He unlocks it and suggests her to get in.

She enters speculating what is going on when he grabs her from behind and starts kissing her like crazy. ‘Sahil, what are you doing?’ ‘There’s no one in my home, Aarti!’ he says while groping her front. ‘Sahil, you should have told me this.’ But he doesn’t listen; he keeps on touching her body everywhere. It all happens so fast, she has no time to comprehend. Her brain freezes. He turns her around and plants his lips on hers. She shuts her eyes. She pushes him aside. He is surprised. ‘What are you doing?’ Her eyes are watery and can break loose any time. He doesn’t see it; he pulls her closer and unknots her salwar. He pulls it off in one go and there she stands, half naked in front of someone who feels like a stranger to her now. She feels ashamed. She tries to hide herself in herself. He touches her where no one ever has, violating her privacy, scarring her soul. It’s probably a nightmare and she is going to wake up anytime. But she doesn’t wake up and he doesn’t stop; his hands measuring every part of her young unripe body, touching it, disgracing it.

Open it…Take it…Everyone does it…You know how much I love you… it’s no big deal…

But when he finally touches her there…she reacts. She forces him aside and a slap lands right on his face. She cries, ‘stop it’, with tears streaming down her eyes, ‘stop it I say’.

Unashamed, he tries again, but she is determined, she stops him. He requests her, he begs but to no avail. His big fat male ego kicks in. He slaps her this time, “Get out of my house; I have many bitches waiting for me.”

Shocked and shaken, she stares at the face of ‘the love of my life’, ‘my first love’, ‘my cutie future husband.’ Tears evaporate with all the feelings and blankness sinks in. All her future plans which took so much of her thoughts come crashing down to nothingness. She is going to judge every man based on this experience. Will she ever be able to love someone with all sincerity? One wonders. She breaks yet she gets strong. The lady in her has died, or will in some days with some more incidents like this where her trust is broken so carelessly.  

 She wears her salwar with messed up hair and smudged kajal all over her face, she leaves his house. He pleads going down on his knees, he asks her to stay, ‘Sorry, Priyanka, it got out of my hands, sorry, you were being rude. Don’t leave, please.’ But she has no reason to stay, she leaves.

She walks till her home, a good 40 minutes from his house, throbbing people out of her way, walking like a drunk and shouting on the street like a drunk, ‘they use you, and they throw you’, scaring people away from her. She smiles, she feels happy for some moments when they all shrug her, being ignored feels nice. She laughs wildly. And weeps silently.

She reaches her home which is finally less broken than she herself is. It’s so dark; she feels the negative energy all around her circling her, laughing, with voices in her head telling her how independent she really is, how desperate she is for love and affection. She sits on the sofa and takes out her Tiffin box. She smiles coyly and philosophizes to her Tiffin box, ‘you know Tiffin you’re just like me. My aspirations and goals are hidden deep below all the useless other things some of which are not even mine like you. You know, it would have been so much better had my parents killed me before I was born. I know they say female infanticide is a crime. But living here is worse. At least, I wouldn’t have to see this male dominated hypocritical ‘equal for all’ sad society, where I am the reason for my rape, where I am told to wear proper clothes, where I am being molested by a mob and taken a video of, where people make filth-filled comments and get applauded, where I have no respect and rights. I know Tiffin I am over reacting, but this is my last resort. I know you are not getting my points clearly, you are a Tiffin anyways, dumb Tiffin. Let me give you a practical example. How would you feel if I take bite by bite, everything that you hold in you-your reason for existence, and eat it just like the society does to us, taking everything part by part that we hold and KILL it? Society surely wants to slay my ambitions and dreams but you know what that’ll never happen because I am a woman and I am bloody strong.’  

She checks her phone, and sets the alarm before the-sun-rises time and sleeps hoping to wake up in a better tomorrow.

And the headlines read...

Student gang-raped; Trinamool student leader ‘involved’ 
Panchayat bans love marriage, bars women below 40 from shopping
Khap panchayat bars girls from wearing jeans
Drunkards molest girl as public watches and police dithers

and numerous other incidents reported daily in the papers and the ‘small’ Eve teasing incidents that are never stated and recorded. I am deeply sorry if I hurt anyone’s sentiments, because I don’t intend to. Do share the post and your love. Thank you.

The heart of a killer

As news of the mass murder in an elementary school in Connecticut, USA spread, the world was shocked. Probably I was a little more so, 'coz two of my cousin sisters are elementary school students in Connecticut (thankfully, they go to a different school; they're safe). And within 48 hours of this horrific crime, as sympathy and mourning poured in from every corner of the world, there was also another strong feeling in the air.

Hatred.

A quick Facebook search with the killer's name, Adam Lanza, reveals that. Hundreds of people, in different pages, all asserting "Adam Lanza should rot in hell", "I Hate Adam Lanza" and other rhetorics that are best not repeated here. Yes it's true, we're all justified in hating him for having snapped the life out of 20 little innocent kids, but does he really deserve so much hatred?

Almost every news agency that has reported the tragedy has also reported that the killer in question was a 20-year old extremely lonely and intelligent guy who had no friends at all. According to the head of security at his school, Adam was "a very scared young boy, who was very nervous around people he could trust or he refused to speak with", and "a loner". This, as psychiatrists say, is an indication of Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism - which is an in-born genetic condition in almost all cases. Couple it with the fact that his parents divorced in 2008 - obviously not an emotionally pleasant situation for any child, let alone an autistic one.

I'm not asking that all killers' actions can be justified in one way or the other. All I say is, let's not hate anyone blindly just by having one glance at the person's actions. It's important to look at the other side of the story as well - to spare a thought for the circumstances that could've led a human being, who was once no different from us, to act in the way he did. Let's not alienate anyone from our company - don't allow anyone to be a loner. Many people say that they "like being alone" and they "prefer being quiet and in solitude" - but at the end of the day, everyone likes to have friends. Often it is seen that the persons who inflict deep hateful crimes upon their fellow beings are those who were desperately in need of love. The root cause of hatred is hatred itself. And the world has seen enough of that.

RIP, 28 victims who were shot down on 14 December, 2012 in Connecticut, USA.

RIP, Adam Lanza.